We have collected a large selection of large quantity very funny and funny jokes for children, school and about children. While we were selecting these jokes and reading them, we found it very funny to the point of tears.
An anecdote is a short, funny story from life. We also recommend that you familiarize yourself with our previous issue of funny jokes for children - it turned out to be very fun and funny (since each joke was selected manually).
Funny jokes for children 5-6 years old
A boy on a walk with his dad in the park saw two twins in a stroller. He looked at them for a long time with a smart expression on his face and finally asked dad:
- Daddy, where is my second one?
On the alley, Sashenka got into a fight with his friend. Dad began an educational conversation with him:
- Sasha, tell me, do you fight all the time?
- Yes! - the boy answered.
- And even in kindergarten!
- Yes! - answered Sasha.
- And who wins?
- Our teacher always wins. - the kid answered sadly.
The son was treated to an apple. He silently takes it and looks at me. I:
- What should I say?
-Did you wash it?
“I will become a fairy,” my granddaughter told me. - I'm learning all sorts of tricks. For example, the candy disappears in my mouth...
Funny jokes for children 6-8 years old
- You'll probably be late for school!
- Don't worry, mom, school is open all day.
Today my son (6 years old) came up and said:
- Life has no meaning.
I ask:
- Why?
Answer:
- My teeth fell out...Who needs me now?
We have our hearing checked by a doctor at the clinic. The doctor whispers:
- Candy.
Seva (7 years old), also in a whisper:
- I can’t - I’m allergic...
Short jokes for children are very funny
“Mom, give me twenty rubles, I’ll give them to that poor grandfather!”
- You are my smart girl! Where does grandfather sit?
- And over there, he sells ice cream!
Mom says to her little son:
- Why don’t you eat, you said you were hungry like a wolf?
- Mom, where have you seen wolves eat carrots?
- Why do you write so small? - the teacher asks Vovochka.
- Marya Ivanovna, so that the mistakes are hard to see!
—Which river is longer: Mississippi or Volga? - the teacher asks Vovochka.
— Of course Mississippi!
- And do you know how much?
- Four whole letters!
Jokes for children about Gena and Cheburashka
Cheburashka comes to the cinema:
— How much does a movie ticket cost?
- Ten rubles.
- I only have five. Please let me in, I’ll look with one eye.....
Even the walls have ears.
Cheburashka was consoled by the crocodile Gena.
Cheburashka and Kolobok quarreled and wanted to fight.
Cheburashka says:
- Mind you, don’t hit your ears!
Kolobok:
- And on the head too!
Cheburashka is sitting. The wolf approaches.
- Cheburashka, what time is it?
- Wow, that's the path that leads to grandma.
Jokes about school are very funny for children
- Well done son for stopping crying!
- I haven’t stopped, I’m resting!
The second of September, the beginning of the first lesson, the teacher says:
- Children, do you have any more questions?
Vovochka:
- When are the holidays?
- Vovochka, this is my candy, give it back!
- Masha, where is mine then?
- I ate it!
The teacher told the students about great inventors and asked:
- Children, what would you like to invent?
- I would invent such a robot - press a button and the lessons are done!
- Petya, what a lazy person you are! What will Vova say?
- And I would invent an automatic machine that would press this button!
Jokes about Vovochka for children
Vovochka, what does your dad do?
- Transformer.
- How is that?
- 380 receives, 220 gives, the rest is buzzing...
Vovochka asks the teacher:
- Maria Ivanovna, is it possible to punish a person for something he didn’t do?
- No, Vova, under no circumstances!
- Hurray, lucky, because I didn’t homework!
Biology lesson.
- Vovochka, tell the whole class how earthworms reproduce?
- By division, Antonina Petrovna.
- And in more detail?
- With a shovel.
Vovochka, have you done your homework?
- No.
- Why did you already go to bed then?
- The less you know, the better you sleep.
The funniest jokes for children 10 years old
- Boy, don’t be a bully, otherwise your dad will grow gray hair!
“My dad will be very happy, he’s completely bald!”
While walking with her mother, Vovochka makes an unusual remark to her:
- Mom, your nails are so long!
- Thank you, Vovochka. This is called a manicure.
- Oh, I wish I had such a manicure to rummage in the ground!
Jokes for children without swearing
IN kindergarten:
— Children, which birds don’t need nests?
“To the cuckoos,” Nikita answers.
- Why?
- Because they live in clocks.
You will find even more funny jokes.
The domestic cat licked the baby's foot several times. Child:
“Mom, it’s time to feed Murzik, otherwise he’s already trying me!”
After kindergarten, Roma says to dad:
- And today Vitya and Sasha had a fight!
- And which of the children won?
- Teacher.
Dad asks the children:
-Who ate the apple?
Vovochka:
- Don't know!
- Will there be more?
- Will!
The funniest jokes for children 12 years old
At the zoo:
- Dad, the gorilla looked at us very angrily...
- Calm down, son, it’s still just a cash register.
- Vovochka, last night there were two cakes in the refrigerator, and this morning there was only one, why?
- Mom, the light bulb in the refrigerator burned out, and I didn’t notice the second one!
Jokes for children 9,10,11,12 years old are very funny, short and not very long, which will be fun to read!
I used to lead an active lifestyle - I played football and hockey, tennis, basketball. But the computer broke...
Conversation between two men:
-Is your watch running correctly?
- I have them on our hand!
Did you know that the true Lord of the Rings works in the registry office?
What is man's best four-legged friend?
- Armchair!
Slow people have been compared to turtles, but there have been no recorded cases of a turtle being late for anything.
My new Chinese phone works like a charm. But at the same time, like a telephone, it doesn't work...
Mom and son at the entrance to the zoo, son: Mom, mom, look monkey! - No, son, this is the aunt cashier.
Teacher: List me four pets
“A dog and three puppies,” Petrov answers cheerfully.
A happy hedgehog and a thoughtful hare are walking along a forest path. The hare asks:
- Hedgehog, are you always laughing?
— The grass tickles my heels.
- “Ivanov, who did the homework: dad or mom?”
- “I don’t know, I was already asleep”
What to do when you fall in love at first sight?
Take a closer look a second time...
- Angelina, why do you drink so much water? - asks the mother.
— Because I ate an apple and forgot to wash my hands before eating.
IN psychiatric hospital, the patient says:
- I am Napoleon.
- Where did you get this from? - asks the doctor.
- God told me.
Another student indignantly intervenes in the conversation:
- No, I didn’t say so.
A father explains to his three-year-old son:
- No, this is not a horse with antennas, but a deer!
A girl takes a driving test. Gets into the car, the instructor says:
- You don't pass.
- But why? After all, I just got into the car!
Instructor:
- Yes, they sat down, only in the back seat.
Mom, I was so lucky at school today.
- Why?
— the teacher wanted to put me in a corner, but all the corners were occupied.
Conversation between two fishermen:
- Yesterday I caught a goldfish...
- That's lucky! What wishes did you make?
“I had to choose from two desires: to become the most beautiful, or to have a good memory.”
- And what did you choose?
- I don't remember …
— Tell me, please, is this cake fresh?
— Of course, look at the production date of January 1st!
- But today is only December 30th! - the buyer is surprised.
- You are very lucky with this cake from the future!
— Does your dog like children?
Yes, but more dog food.
There is a lesson at school, the teacher:
- Children who think they are stupid, stand up!
A few minutes pass, Nikita gets up.
teacher:
- Nikita, do you think you’re stupid?
- No... it’s just inconvenient that you are standing alone...
During the lesson, the teacher gave the children an assignment to draw cows grazing on a green field. Vasily brought a blank sheet of paper. the teacher asks:
- Why didn’t Vasenka draw green grass?
— The cow ate the grass
-Where is the cow?
- Well, what should a cow do there if there is no green grass?
Useful phone numbers:
roof is on fire - 01
no roof – 02
crazy - 03 Or one common number 112
The son asks the banker-father:
- Dad, you have a bank and the money in your bank belongs to the clients?
- Yes.
- Then where did the villa, the yacht, my private paid school and everything else come from?
- Let me explain... Bring me a big piece of lard from the refrigerator
Son brings, father
- Now, take it back
- Well, I took it, so what?
- Show me your hands, you see there is fat left on your palms and fingers...
Looking for some funny joke for kids? Then come to us: Humor, jokes for children 10 years old are very funny, short and funny.
Everyone loves to read and listen to jokes - not only adults, but also children. Therefore, today we have selected the funniest children's jokes for ages 10-12, which you can read with your children or tell them to them.
Children's jokes are the funniest
Two boys meet on the street. One reports the news:
— I just had a bad tooth pulled out.
- Well, does it still hurt?
- I don't know.
- How can you not know this?
— But the doctor still has the tooth.
Father says to daughter:
“I wouldn’t dare lie like that at your age!”
— At what age did you start?
One boy says to another:
- My dad is very good.
-Are you telling me this?
- You.
— Just last year he was my dad.
Son to father:
— Dad, when you were at school, were you in the same class with Seryoga’s father?
- Yes.
- This can’t be!
- Why?
- Because he also claims to be the best student in the class.
Teacher scolds student:
- You came again without a pen?! I wonder what you would say if you saw a soldier showing up for training without a weapon?
“I would say that he probably became a general.”
The funniest jokes for children 10-12 years old
- Boy, don’t be a bully, otherwise your dad will grow gray hair!
“My dad will be very happy, he’s completely bald!”
- Ivanov, who did your homework for you: dad or mom?
- I don’t know, I was already asleep.
Schoolchildren think that it is better to study at the institute, but only students know that the best place to study is in kindergarten!
Hedgehog learned to breathe with his butt. The Fox passes by and the Hedgehog says to her:
- Fox, oh Fox, strangle me!
The fox strangled and strangled, but could not strangle.
The Bear walks by, the Hedgehog says to him:
- Bear, Bear, strangle me!
The bear strangled and strangled, but could not strangle.
The Hedgehog walked like this all day through the forest, and no one could strangle him. The Hedgehog got tired, sat down on a tree stump and choked.
During the test, the teacher closely monitors the students and sometimes kicks out those who notice spurs. The director looks into the classroom.
- Are you writing a test? There are probably a lot of people here who like to cheat.
Teacher:
- No, the amateurs are already in the corridor, only the professionals remain.
Children's jokes about Vovochka
During a biology lesson in class, the teacher says:
— The pistil and stamen of flowers are the reproductive organs.
Vovochka from the back desk, sadly:
- Damn, I smell them...
The teacher enters the class and asks Vovochka:
-Where is Seryozha?
- He’s not there, we were playing to see who would lean out of the window next... Well, he won.
Vova, what are you like? good deed did it today?
“And I was seeing my dad off and saw the uncle running after the departing train.” So I let my dog, pit bull Rex, go, and the guy caught the train.
At school:
- Well done, Nikita, a solid five, give me the diary!
- Oh, it seems I forgot it at home...
- Take mine! - Vovochka whispers.
- Vovochka, let’s say you have 100 rubles. You asked your father for another 100 rubles. How much money will you have in total?
- 100 rubles, Mary Ivanna.
- Too bad, Vovochka, you don’t know math at all!
“And you, Mary Ivanna, don’t know my father at all!”
It's hard to believe that there is even one person without a sense of humor - it's another matter if we talk about how subtle it is in some people. Humor covers all areas of activity people.
We joke about literally everything what we see and what happens to us, we joke about representatives of certain professions and nationalities, about relatives and friends, laugh at ourselves and situations, which we find ourselves in.
The main joke themes loved by all children are:
- fairy tales and fairy-tale heroes;
- friends, brothers and sisters;
- school, study;
- animals;
- holidays.
Jokes- a boost of energy for the whole day. Perhaps the most harmless and funny jokes connected with children, they will make adults and children laugh until they cry. And since the main occupation of children is studying, that’s all the funniest children's jokes are related to school, students and teachers. Anyone can cheer themselves and their friends up by securing a couple of dozen short jokes about school. Here you can find:
- children's jokes about school;
- the most funny jokes about Vovochka;
- the latest school jokes.
Children's jokes about school
Parents ask a first-grader:
- How did you like your first day? Did you like school?
- First? Just don’t tell me that I have to go there again tomorrow!
- Sasha, name me at least one transparent object
- Keyhole, Marya Ivanovna!
After anatomy lesson.
— We heard that Vitya got a bad mark on his test!
- Why?
- For the cheat sheet. The teacher caught him while he was counting his ribs.
— Doctor, my child has strabismus.
- Is it congenital?
- No, from cheating.
- How much will it be if they give you one kitten, plus two kittens and four more kittens?
- Nine.
- Listen more carefully! They gave you one kitten, then two kittens and four more. How much in total?
- Nine.
- Then it’s different! I give you one watermelon, then two and then four more watermelons! How many?
- Eight!
- Here you go! And the kitten, plus two, plus four? How much in total?
- Nine!
- Yes, why?!
— Because I already have one kitten!
- Mom, dad, we wrote at school today!
- Well, read what you wrote?
The son complains to his mother:
- I don’t want to go to school anymore!
- Why?
- Again Vasechkin will trip me up, and Ivanov will shoot at me with a slingshot, and Sidorov will throw a textbook at me!
“No, son, you need to go to school,” says mom. — Firstly, you are already 50 years old, and secondly, you are a school director.
“Daddy, the doctors gave us vaccinations at school today!”
- Well done, daughter, you didn’t cry, did you?
- No, they didn’t catch up with me.
- So that they think that they are having a holiday.
— Vovochka what do you imagine the best school?
- Closed!
The teacher asks:
- Children, do you know that in heat all substances tend to expand, and in cold they contract?
- Certainly! - says Vovochka. — That’s why winter holidays are shorter than summer holidays.
- Sit down, Ivanov, five! Give me the diary.
- I forgot him.
- Take mine! - Vovochka whispers.
- Children, what order does the spectacled snake belong to?
- To the squad of short-sighted people!
- Vovochka, why are you so pale today?
“And my mother washed me yesterday.”
Vovochka was late for school. The teacher asks him:
- What happened, why so late?
- I was attacked by a bandit!
- Oh horror! And what did he do?
- I took away my homework...
The girl complains to her parents:
- How can I get rid of this Vovochka? There is no more strength!
- Why didn’t he please you? Over there he helps carry his briefcase after class.
- Yes, I’m tired: I’ve already accumulated about fifty of them!
The latest school jokes
During the test, the teacher closely monitors the students and sometimes kicks out those who notice spurs. The director looks into the classroom.
— Are you writing a test? There are probably a lot of people here who like to cheat.
- No, the amateurs are already in the corridor, only the professionals remain.
Anatomy teacher:
—What are the last teeth a person develops?
- Plug-in.
- What time is it: I jump, you jump, he jumps, they jump?
- Change!
- Do you know what is the worst thing for an excellent student?
- Get a bad grade?
- No, learn a lesson and not have time to answer.
There's a lesson in progress. There is noise and commotion in the next office, the teacher cannot stand it and heads there. He grabs the loudest one by the ear and takes him into his class. Ten minutes later the door opens, a student from that office looks into the class and quietly says:
- Can we have our teacher back?
The father asks his son:
- What can I do to stop you getting bad marks?
- Ask the teacher not to call me!
Teacher says:
- Everyone be quiet! So that you can hear a fly fly by!
Everyone immediately fell silent. Five minutes later Vanya can’t stand it and asks:
- Mikhail Ivanovich, when will you let a fly fly?
- Now let's prove the Pythagorean Theorem.
Student from the last desk:
- Or maybe it’s not necessary? We take your word for it!
When asked about the first female pilot, the students named Baba Yaga.
I go to school - no one... I go to Odnoklassniki - the whole class!
In a math lesson:
- Anya, how much will your mother pay for 3 kilograms of potatoes if a kilogram costs 30 rubles 10 kopecks?
- This is still unknown.
- Why?
- And she always bargains.
A high school student approaches his father:
Dad, they're calling you to school.
- What happened?
- Well, it’s a little thing, I broke the window.
Father went. A few days later the son again:
- Dad, they are calling you to school.
- What did you do again?
- Yes, the laboratory room blew up.
Father went.
The son approaches him for the third time:
- Dad, they ask you to go to school again.
- That’s it, I’m tired, I won’t go anymore!
- That's right, dad. Why do you need to walk through the ruins...
Jokes for children are short funny stories. They usually have no author and belong to the folklore genre.
Children love jokes no less than adults. Children's jokes about school allow you to joke about what makes you sad. School jokes make fun of lazy students, angry teachers, indifferent parents, etc.
Anecdotes can have a wide variety of topics, covering all aspects of life. Sometimes funny phrases spoken by children become jokes.
Laughter when reading or listening to a joke is caused by an unexpected denouement, a play on words, or the replacement of the usual meaning of concepts with a new one. Humor and wit are very useful qualities that require development no less than logic or creativity. This genre also has negative sides: the presence of profanity, vulgarity, etc. in some jokes.
From this article you will learn
Do you need funny stories?
Laughter improves the mood of children and, according to scientists, prolongs the life of adults. So that your child does not need to listen to vulgar street jokes, tell him good ones. Let him have magazines or books with different jokes that he can read. A sense of humor is valued among children; a witty storyteller becomes the life of the party.
If your child can joke about his shortcomings, he will be less stressed. The main thing in jokes is the opportunity for freedom of expression, humor that makes fun of shortcomings and vices, and a different perspective on problems.
Anecdotes may not be clear. The reason for this is differences in nationality, age or other personal characteristics. Therefore, children's jokes differ from those of adults. What can make a child laugh may be incomprehensible to an adult and vice versa.
About school
During a math lesson, the teacher asks a poor student who is reciting the Pythagorean Theorem at the blackboard to prove it. To which he offendedly declares: “What evidence do you have, you don’t believe me?”
On September 1, 1.6 million first-graders sat down at their desks on charges of illiteracy for at least 9 years.
In a geography lesson in 7th grade, the teacher is trying to explain to the student how to determine the cardinal directions using a compass. “Here, look, when the arrow points up, it’s north, then to your left is west, and to your right is east, tell me, what’s behind you?” The student, blushing: “A hole in your pants?”
About children
At an appointment at the clinic, a child psychologist asks the child questions:
- Tell me, how many legs does a cat have?
- Four.
- How many ears?
- How many eyes?
The kid turns to his mother and asks: “Mom, uncle, have you never seen cats?”
About kindergarten
A little girl comes home from kindergarten and says that the teacher read them the fairy tale “About Little Red Riding Hood.” “What did you understand from this fairy tale?” asks mom. “I should remember my grandmother’s face better so as not to confuse her with a wolf,” the girl answers.
At a meeting in the nursery group of the kindergarten, a young teacher conducts pedagogical work with parents:
- Dear parents, your children have learned to speak this year; if they start telling you something bad about kindergarten, do not believe them. We, in turn, promise not to believe the horrors that they tell about you.
For my son in kindergarten a tired father comes. The teacher sees him for the first time, and therefore asks:
- Which child should you give?
- What difference does it make, bring it again tomorrow morning!
The unlucky parent answers.
The head of the kindergarten complains to the head of the military unit that after the repairs carried out by the soldiers, the children learned many words from profanity. The commander calls the soldiers to his place and asks them to explain what’s going on. Soldier Sidorov with a bandaged head explains:
- Petrov stood on a stepladder, placing eight bricks into a hole in the ceiling. The solution turned out to be weak, and all the bricks fell on my head. I told Petrov: “What a bad person you are, Petrov, you don’t respect your comrade!”
About animals
Two fish are talking in a pond. One carp says: “I’m so tired of living in this cramped, dirty pond!” Another carp answers him: “Grab the hook and you’ll soon end up in the sour cream!”
Computer jokes
A cactus that had been standing next to a computer monitor for 6 years learned how to reinstall Windows.
Short jokes
Inscriptions on the minibus:
“Stop “here” on a different route”;
“If no one gives way to the old lady, I, your driver, will do it”;
“If you want to live long, don’t distract the driver!”
About Pinocchio
Buratino's family tree was rooted in the earth.
About Vovochka
Vovochka says to his father at dinner:
- Dad, they're calling you back to school, I broke the window.
- Yes, you don’t have a school, but some kind of greenhouse.
Fairytale jokes
The kid climbed onto Carlson, and they fly over the city, making ten circles. After landing on the roof, Carlson wipes his neck and says: “Phew, I’m sweating with you!” “I peed on you,” the baby replies.
A random passerby saw a hut on chicken legs in the forest and said:
- Hut, hut, turn your forest towards me, and your backside in front!
- You put me in a difficult position with your philological delicacies of new idioms.
- This is approximately what I wanted to say.
Cheburashka, standing in the wind, was brutally beaten by his ears.
Gena and Cheburashka went on vacation. Crocodile Gena drags 6 suitcases from the station, sweating profusely. Cheburashka runs behind him and shouts:
- Gena, and Gena, let me take the suitcases!
- And you will take me!
About adults and children
An aunt asks her niece, who is six years old:
- Anechka, do you help your mother around the house?
- Of course, I help, I count the silver spoons after you leave.
A little boy asks his father:
- Dad, I want a real gun!
- You already have a toy one.
- Dad, I want a real one!
- Quiet, I said! Who's the boss in the house?
- You're daddy, but if I had a gun...
A mother shouts from the balcony to her son playing in the yard with friends:
- Vanechka, go home!
7-year-old Vanechka asks:
- Mom, am I cold?
- No, it's time for you to eat!
About pets
The mouse runs away from the cat and hides in a hole, losing the stolen cheese along the way. He sits quietly and suddenly hears a dog barking. “So the cat ran away, we can take the cheese,” the mouse thinks. As soon as she sticks out of the hole, the cat grabs her. “How good it is to be able to speak foreign language! the cat thinks.
Other topics
Announcement on the fence of the city zoo:
- Dear visitors, due to insufficient funding from the city budget for this year, the animals have nothing to eat! We invite you to the open house, which will be held from 9 o'clock on the 6th, 8th and 9th of this month! You will receive unforgettable impressions and indescribable sensations!
According to statistics, the most understandable language on the planet is Chinese. Every 6th person speaks it.
From a conversation between two friends:
- Have you read that scientists have made a discovery that nine seconds of laughter prolongs life by 10 minutes, which means that if you laugh all the time, you will never die?
- Yes, but everyone will think you're crazy.
