A story about love from life - we had to mature for love... The most interesting historical facts about different things

Almost every person loves it. People are especially amused by short stories, funny and amusing, that happened in real life. Such cases will become great entertainment for any company. Short stories, funny, original, cheerful - this is exactly what you need for a pleasant pastime. They are a kind of joke. However, the difference is that taken from real life, they sound much more interesting. You can laugh at these comical, twisted plots for a very long time without stopping.

Short stories. Funny incidents from life

So, if you are planning to relax with friends, rest assured that everyone will enjoy this kind of entertainment. Short stories, funny incidents can instantly lift the mood of those around you. And if you are endowed with a good memory, you probably have a lot of them. Short stories - funny, kind, comical - about your acquaintances and friends will give you smiles and a lot of positive emotions. Let's consider where various situations most often occur.

Military service

You can often hear, for example, interesting stories from people’s lives - funny, short - about the military. For example, this one. A man talks about his time in the army. While he was on duty at a checkpoint, an elderly couple approached him. The woman began to wonder where the tank unit was located nearby. The son allegedly served there, according to her. The duty officer tried to explain to the spouses that there was no tank unit nearby. In response to this, the couple tried desperately to prove that their son would not deceive them. The last argument The woman on duty was shown a photograph. It showed a young “tanker” with a proud posture, leaning out from the waist up with a lid in his hands in front of him. You can imagine how the soldier on duty laughed. Such interesting stories from people's lives (funny, short) are heard very often among the military.

Cases with documents

Where else can you find funny funny moments? Surprisingly, you can often hear stories from life, funny, short, related to working with documents. Here is one of them. The man needed to obtain a certificate for the notary's office at the State Bureau of Investigation. The office worker asked how urgently he needed the document (the cost of registration for three days is sixty-eight rubles, for two - one hundred and five). The man settled on the second option, since time, as they say, was running out. Having paid money at the cash register, I received the answer: “Come on Monday.” And it was Thursday. The girl explained that they are closed on Saturday and Sunday. “What if I paid for three days?” - asked the man. The girl explained that he would still have to come for a certificate on Monday. “Why did I pay forty rubles more?” - the man asked. “How is this? Time is running out. To get a certificate a day earlier,” the girl explained. Of course, such stories from life, funny and short, can only infuriate you at first. However, over time, you will remember such incidents with a smile on your face.

On vacation

Next option. Short funny stories from real life related to vacations are no less popular than the above. A lot of curiosities can be seen on the beach. How fun it was, for example, for vacationers watching the following picture. A married couple with an eight-year-old son was relaxing on the seashore. The family forgot to take the Panama hats with them. The wife went to the room to get some hats, leaving the child with the father. When she returned, she did not see her husband, but her son... He was buried in the sand. One head stuck out. To the question “Where is dad?” the boy replied: “He’s swimming!” “Why are you here?” - asked the mother. The child cheerfully declared: “Dad buried it so that I wouldn’t get lost!” Of course, it’s hard to call such an act serious, but everyone had fun!

Abroad

Short funny stories from real life sometimes continue, developing into longer, drawn-out ones. The guide tells one of them. A group of Russian tourists (hockey players) went on a boat excursion along a mountain river. Often, guides provoke water fights between vacationers. This time the Germans became rivals for the Russians. Moreover, the excursion was held on May 9...

One could imagine how excited the hockey players were when they found out who they were fighting against. With shouts of “For the Motherland!” and “For victory!” They furiously splashed their oars through the water. However, they quickly got tired of this too. Turning over the objecting guide along the way, they rushed at the enemy directly on the boats, quickly turning them over into the water.

It would seem that the fun is over. But in the evening the following fact emerged: both groups settled in the same hotel. The hockey players loudly celebrated their “victory” right by the pool, singing patriotic songs. The Germans didn’t even leave their rooms.

At work

Very often there are also funny stories from people's lives (short) in the workplace. For example, this case. One man bought himself a book on Bringing it to work, he decided to try it on his colleagues. His employee wanted to “check” her daughter. The man agreed. The next day, a colleague brought an envelope with a note. Having opened it, the man immediately said: “Your daughter is 14 years old. She is an excellent student. Loves horse riding and dancing." The woman was simply shocked and immediately ran to tell her friends about everything. The man didn’t even have time to tell her about the contents of the note: “I’m an excellent student, I’m 14 years old, I love horses and dancing. And mom thinks you’re a liar.”

Cases with animals

Funny stories from short and not only, quite often they are also connected with our smaller brothers. For example, such an interesting incident happened to a middle-aged man. A tired old dog once came into the courtyard of his private house. However, the animal was fattened and had a collar on its neck. That is, it was absolutely obvious that the dog was well taken care of and had a home. The dog approached the man, allowed himself to be petted, and followed him into the hallway. Walking slowly through it, he lay down in the corner of the living room and fell asleep. About an hour later the dog came to the door. The man released the animal.

The next day, at about the same time, the dog came to him again, “greeted”, lay down in the same corner and slept again for about an hour. His “visits” lasted for several weeks. Finally, the man decided to be curious about what was going on, and pinned a note to his collar with the following content: “Sorry, but I want to know who is the owner of this cute, wonderful animal and whether he knows that the dog sleeps at my house every day.” The next day the dog came with the “answer” attached. The note read: “The dog lives in a house with six kids. Two of them have not yet turned three years. He wants to get some sleep. Will you allow me to come with him tomorrow?”

Youth

It happens that funny stories bring others to tears. Short stories from the lives of young people are especially common among students, applicants, and high school students. However, this case is not like that. No one was offended or disappointed. Two young guys were leisurely walking along the streets of the city. Having stopped near a kiosk with a press, where various stationery and other small items are also sold, they decided to buy a small ball with an elastic band that flies merrily if you pull it - just for fun, as they say. The problem was one thing: the guys didn’t know the name of this toy. One of the boys, pointing to the ball, turned to the saleswoman: “Give me that fennie over there!” “What should I give?” - the woman asked. “Fenka!” - repeated the young man. The guys left with their purchase. The next day they passed this kiosk again. A price tag with the inscription “Fenka” appeared on the display window near the ball.

Cases with children

Funny short stories will definitely make people smile if we are talking about kids. Here is an incident that happened to a three-year-old boy. A large friendly family gathered together at one table. The child sat and calmly watched his grandmother and mother fry pancakes. All this time he just quietly said: “This is all mine. I'll eat first. Anyone who eats without me will be punished!” The women finally finished cooking and stacked the pancakes on a plate. The family took out the jam and began to sit down at the table. The boy was the last to wash his hands. Before that, he warned everyone: “I will leave. But I’ll count all the pancakes so you don’t eat without me.” Next to the plate came the following sound: “One, two, five, twenty, thirty... That’s it!” Don't touch! When the child returned, one pancake had been eaten. The boy began to shout: “I told you, you can’t eat without me!” The relatives asked: “Did you really count?” To this the kid replied: “Are you not thinking straight? I can't count! I flipped the top pancake!”

It really turned out funny. After all, none of the adults could guess to turn the top pancake over with the fried side down.

Hospital stories

Very often, comical incidents occur within the walls of medical institutions. As a rule, interesting stories (funny, short) from maternity hospitals about young fathers are the most common among them. For example, this one. One man's wife gave birth. The couple were expecting twins. However, they did not know the gender of their future children. The woman gave birth to a girl and a boy. An excited man was waiting for the doctor at the door of the room. Finally, the midwife appeared. Her father ran up to her with the question: “Twins?” "Yes!" - the woman answered. Husband, smiling: “Boys?” She: “No!” Dad, smiling even wider: “Girls?” Midwife: “No!” The husband, dumbfounded: “Who?” Similar cases a lot happens every day.

On the road

Real funny stories, short and long, are often associated with traffic police officers. At one of the motor depots in Novosibirsk, for example, such a case is known. There was one short driver who worked there. When he was driving the KrAZ, he was not even visible from the outside. One day a driver went on a flight without securing the rear license plate on the car. He just put it in the glove compartment. As usually happens in such cases, a traffic police officer was standing at the intersection. Seeing the car without a driver, he was very surprised and whistled. The driver found a way out of the situation. He positioned the car so that he could slip out of the second door unnoticed and secure the number. It's risky, but it's the only way to avoid a fine. So the car stopped. The patrolman slowly approached, stood and, without waiting for anyone, looked inside. Of course, he was very puzzled, looking at the empty cabin. Meanwhile, the driver secured the number, and everyone returned to their seats. The traffic police officer was even more surprised when, obeying the command of his baton, the empty car started up and drove on.

Just funny

And one more thing. A lot also depends simply on a person’s mood. Funny short stories may not have a so-called special plot. It happens that a person is simply cheerful and joyful in his soul. As they say, I got a laugh in my mouth. This is most likely explained by the fact that people face various stresses every day, minor and not so much. All this, of course, is deposited inside each of us, adversely affecting the nervous system. A person, of course, does not always remember this. But all these unpleasant moments remain in my memory. Accordingly, the body has to perform nervous discharge from time to time. After all, laughter heals. Thus, the healing process manifests itself in the form of a cheerful mood.

Therefore, it is not at all surprising that this happens from time to time. You can walk down the street with absolutely absurd thoughts in your head, look at those around you, and you will feel funny. Their clothes, their gait, and their facial expressions can amuse you. By trying to hold back your laughter and smile, you thereby provoke a response from those you meet. Well, if suddenly some other incident happens... For example, a gust of wind throws a piece of paper, or a bag, or something like that in your face, this story will seem especially funny to you. And this, it’s worth reminding once again, is not gloating at all! It's just a fight against stress in our body! Laughter prolongs our life!

Have you heard the tale of the Crane and the Heron? We can say that this story was copied from us. When one wanted, the other refused, and vice versa...

Real life story

“Okay, see you tomorrow,” I said into the phone to end the conversation, which lasted more than two hours.

One would think that we're talking about about the meeting. Moreover, in a place well known to both of us. But that was not the case. We were just agreeing on... the next call. And everything looked exactly the same for several months. Then I called Polina for the first time in the last four years. And I pretended that I was just calling to see how she was doing, but in reality I wanted to renew the relationship.

I met her shortly before graduating from school. We were both in relationships at the time, but there was a real spark between us. However, only a month after we met, we separated from our partners. However, we were in no hurry to get closer. Because on the one hand we were attracted to something in each other, but on the other hand, something constantly got in the way. It was as if we were afraid that our relationship would be dangerous. Eventually, after a year of mutual exploration of each other, we became a couple. And if before that time our relationship developed very slowly, then since we got together everything has started to spin at a very fast pace. A period of strong mutual attraction and dizzying emotions began. We felt like we couldn't exist without each other. And then... we broke up.

Without any clarification. Simply, one fine day we did not agree on the next meeting. And then neither of us called the other for a week, expecting this action from the other side. At some point I even wanted to do this... But then I was young and green, and did not think of doing this - I just took offense at Polina for the fact that she so easily abandoned our reverent relationship. So I decided that it was not worth imposing on her. I knew that I was thinking and acting stupidly. But then I could not calmly analyze what happened. Only after some time did I begin to really understand the situation. Gradually I realized the stupidity of my action.

I think we both felt like we were a good fit for each other and we just started to fear what might happen next to ours.” great love" We were very young, we wanted to gain a lot of experience in love affairs, and most importantly, we felt unprepared for a serious, stable relationship. Most likely, we both wanted to “freeze” our love for several years, and “unfreeze” it one day, at one fine moment, when we feel that we are ripe for it. But, unfortunately, it didn’t work out that way. After breaking up, we didn’t completely lose touch - we had many mutual friends, we went to the same places. So from time to time we bumped into each other, and these were not the best moments.

I don’t know why, but each of us considered it our duty to send the other a caustic, sarcastic remark, as if accusing us of what had happened. I even decided to do something about it and offered to meet to discuss “complaints and grievances.” Polina agreed, but... did not come to the appointed place. And when we met by chance, two months later, she began to stupidly explain why she then made me stand pointlessly in the wind, and then did not even call. Then she again asked me for a meeting, but again she did not show up.

The beginning of a new life...

From then on, I began to consciously avoid places where I could accidentally meet her. So we haven't seen each other for several years. I heard some rumors about Polina - I heard that she was dating someone, that she left the country for a year, but then returned and started living with her parents again. I tried not to pay attention to this information and live own life. I had two novels that seemed very serious, but in the end nothing came of them. And then I thought: I’ll talk to Polina. I couldn’t imagine what went through my head then! Although no, I know. I missed her... I really, really missed her...

She was surprised by my phone call, but also delighted. We talked then for several hours. Exactly the same the next day. And the next one. It's hard to say what we discussed for so long. In general, everything is about a little and a little about everything. There was only one topic we tried to avoid. This topic was ourselves...

It looked as if, despite the years that had passed, we were afraid to be honest. However, one fine day Polina said:

– Listen, maybe we can finally decide on something?

“No, thank you,” I answered immediately. “I don’t want to disappoint you again.”

There was silence on the line.

“If you are afraid that I will not come, then you can come to me,” she finally said.

“Yeah, and you’ll tell your parents to kick me out,” I snorted.

- Rostik, stop it! — Polina began to get nervous. “Everything was so good, and you’re ruining everything again.”

- Again! – I was seriously indignant. - Or maybe you can tell me what I did?

– Most likely something you can’t do. You won't call me for several months.

“But you will call me every day,” I imitated her voice.

– Don’t turn things upside down! – Polina shouted, and I sighed heavily.

“I don’t want to be left with nothing again.” If you want to see me, then come to me yourself,” I told her. – I’ll wait for you in the evening at eight o’clock. I hope you come...

“Whatever,” Polina hung up.

New circumstances...

For the first time since we started calling each other, we had to say goodbye in anger. And most importantly, now I had no idea whether she would call me again or come to me? Polina’s words could be interpreted as either an agreement to come or a refusal. However, I was waiting for her. I cleaned my studio apartment, which I didn’t do very often. I cooked dinner, bought wine and flowers. And he finished reading the story: "". Every minute of waiting made me even more nervous. I even wanted to give up my rude behavior and intransigence regarding the meeting.

At fifteen minutes past eight I began to wonder whether I should go to Polina? I didn’t go only because she could have come to me at any moment and we would have missed each other. At nine o'clock I gave up hope. I angrily started dialing her number to tell her everything I thought about her. But he didn’t finish the job and pressed “End”. Then I wanted to call again, but I thought to myself that she might view this call as a sign of my weakness. I didn’t want Polina to know how worried I was about her not coming, and how painfully her indifference hurt me. I decided to spare her such pleasure.

I went to bed only at 12 o’clock at night, but I couldn’t sleep for a long time because I kept thinking about this situation. On average, I changed my point of view every five minutes. At first I thought that only I was to blame, because if I had not been stubborn like a donkey and came to her, then our relationship would have improved and we would have been happy. After a while, I began to reproach myself for such naive thoughts. After all, she would have kicked me out anyway! And the more I thought that way, the more I believed it. When I was almost asleep... the intercom rang.

At first I thought it was some kind of mistake or a joke. But the intercom kept ringing persistently. Then I had to stand up and answer:

- Two o'clock in the morning! – he barked angrily into the phone.

I don't even have to say how surprised I was. How! With a trembling hand, I pressed the button to open the door to the entrance. What will happen next?

After a long two minutes I heard the call. He opened the door... and saw Polina sitting in a wheelchair, accompanied by two orderlies. She had a cast on her right leg and right hand. Before I could ask what happened, one of the men said:

“The girl discharged herself of her own free will and insisted that we bring her here.” Her entire future life apparently depends on this.

I didn't ask anything else. The orderlies helped Polina sit on the large sofa in the living room and quickly left. I sat down opposite her and looked at her in surprise for a whole minute.

There was complete silence in the room.

“I’m glad you came,” I said, and Polina smiled.

“I always wanted to come,” she answered. – Do you remember the first time we agreed to meet, but I didn’t show up? Then my grandmother died. It happened to my dad for the second time heart attack. It seems incredible, but it's still true. As if someone didn't want us...

“But now, I see, you didn’t pay attention to the obstacles,” I smiled.

“It happened a week ago,” Polina pointed to the plaster. – Slipped on the icy sidewalk. I thought we'd meet when I got better... but I thought I just needed to make a little effort. I was worried about you...
I didn't answer and just kissed her.

Send your interesting stories to: [email protected] with the note “To the section Interesting stories from people's lives."

Sometimes, in order to find yourself, you need to find yourself in unusual conditions. Free yourself from the shackles and try to breathe deeply. But the taste of life can only be felt if a person himself understands that something is going wrong. He is cramped, he is suffocating from the eternal race for something. Only if you yourself want to change your life, it will work out. And chance will help with this.

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Not only all ages, but also all circumstances are submissive to love. The other half can be found where you don't expect it at all. For example, falling down from a high cliff. It seems that everything is life before your eyes, but it turns out quite the opposite - new page, happier than before. Don't believe this happens? Read the magical story of how Svetlana and Pavel met. The girl, going on vacation, did not even suspect what kind of trouble would happen to her. But it turned out to be the creation of a family.

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When everything works out well and as planned, we are happy. But a streak of luck does not always happen. On life path there are sorrows, disappointments, and losses. If you can see the positive even in adversity, you are lucky. Few people have this quality, but it needs to be developed in character, because fate usually thanks those who endure its blows, continue to move forward and look to the future with optimism.

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As usual, returning from work, Lena drove into her yard and saw that someone else’s car was already showing off in her parking spot. “Neighbor,” Lena thought angrily. - This is his car. I’ve been parking in another place for two years, and here you are – it’s time to take over mine!”
Thus began a marathon called: “Whoever is first is the one who belongs.” Literally. Whoever returned from work earlier occupied an excellent area near the house, under the shade of trees.

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Unfortunately, this topic is familiar to me firsthand. I myself once fell into the trap called “love for a married man.” The good news is that I managed to get out of this triangle without other people’s losses and without other people’s shed tears. The tears were mine. And wasted time.
Maybe my story will serve as a lesson for someone, because sometimes we learn not only from our own mistakes, but also draw conclusions from the mistakes of others.

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You can meet your destiny anywhere. Sometimes a situation that initially seemed tragic turns out happily. This, for example, happened to the heroine of our story. She flew away from hometown, to heal mental wounds, and building new relationships was not on her mind. But fate decreed differently. Cupid's arrow touched the girl's heart in an unexpected place and not under the most pleasant circumstances.

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Love is an all-consuming feeling. This is the most important thing worth living on Earth for. Love gives strength that a person sometimes doesn’t even know about. If the feeling is sincere, then it can overcome any obstacles so that two people walk their path hand in hand. Unfortunately, it often happens that people give up love when they encounter an obstacle that seems insurmountable to them. And then they regret it for the rest of the days. If you have met your love, do not be afraid of anything. You can sacrifice a lot for her.

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There is always a time and place for love. This feeling does not matter where the man and woman met, whether they are from the same city or different. If Cupid has released his arrow, resistance is useless. If you want to become happy, start a family, then don’t be afraid of anything, take risks and fight for your feeling. Not ready for change? Then, years later, don’t be sad that you never knew what it was true love, and missed my chance to try it out. Fortunately, the hero of our story listened to the signs of the Universe, and is now very happy.

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Our life consists of accidents. Sometimes such unexpected turns occur in it that we can only be amazed. Sometimes these are pleasant events, sometimes not so much, and often we are to blame for them ourselves. We didn’t think in time, didn’t talk to our friends, family, colleagues, we got scared... Of course, you can’t predict a lot in life, but it’s also wrong to completely abdicate responsibility. Especially if it concerns your children. Their experience is your experience. In many ways, their habits and views are your habits and views. As they say in England, educate yourself not your children, they will still follow your example.

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Remember the children's game: “The sea worries once, the sea worries two, the sea worries three, sea figure, freeze”? Then it seemed that it was enough to take an intricate pose, and a miracle would happen - no one would guess me, I won. Try to use this childlike spontaneity now. You will discover wonderful acquaintances, feelings, friendship, love. Read new wonderful stories in the "Interesting stories from people's lives" section.

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How often can you hear: “If I got this job/moved to another city/married former classmate, my life would be different. I missed my happiness." We often shift responsibility for our destiny to other people, circumstances, and continue to be unhappy. But change life in better side within our power.
Read in the section "Interesting stories from people's lives" the story of our author, Oksana Chistyakova.

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There is a lot of patience in this matter. important stage. To fulfill your desire the most in the best possible way certain circumstances are necessary, and their formation takes time. Therefore, you need to have patience and faith, and wait. Wait as long as necessary. Believe with all your heart and do not despair. Your despair is destroying creative forces Universe, and faith strengthens them.

10th place: The neighbors have a shepherd dog on a chain; they themselves went to work. I hear a roar and curse words from their side, I look out the window, and there is some guy in black trying to enter the gate. The dog furiously digs gravel, throwing stones at the thief. If he closes the gate, the shepherd doesn’t dig, he waits and barks like, “What, did you piss?” The gate will open - again shelling with gravel. He left ten minutes later, holding his eye. Armed guards, huh))

9th place: How I caught crayfish. Previously, I didn’t even perceive crayfish, let alone try them. One day, somewhere, my wife bought some crayfish. She prepared it and taught them how to eat properly. I really liked it.
An acquaintance once invited us to relax in nature with company. Eat crayfish, go fishing. Back then I had a vague idea of catching crayfish using some kind of net with rotten meat. Never mind: we took the tents, loaded everything we needed into the cars and hit the road. We arrived at a warm canal coming from the state district power station. Slavka, our friend, takes out his scuba gear. “No shit, cool! - I thought. He puts on his scuba gear, explains and shows everything in detail along the way, puts on ordinary cloth household gloves, takes a mesh bag with a thin neck and, leisurely, smoothly plunges into the canal. We didn’t record the time, but it wasn’t there for about 10 minutes. Small bubbles appeared only in some places. Using them, we tracked his movement and the place where we then had to help him get ashore. And then a diver appears. We help him get out; in his hands he has a net with almost a bucket of crayfish. We remove all the ammunition from him, and Slava turns to me:
- Now go ahead.
- In terms of. I?
- No piss, everything is adjusted, there is still plenty of air, which is not clear, I’ll explain.
I'm a good swimmer. I have known fins, a mask and a snorkel for a long time; I can stay under water for a long time, but this was the first time I had seen scuba gear so close. Here I draw your attention to the fact that my girls, and all the guests, look at me as if I were a Submariner Hero who is now scheduled to perform a feat. There’s no way to shit yourself at this moment, so, trying to look confident and brave, I give the command:
- Let's! Get dressed!
Here's a small digression. I didn’t look like a handsome jock, but rather athletic. And also: Slavka knew that I loved all sorts of experiments, adventures and welcomed something new and unusual. The rest of the company absolutely didn’t give a fuck: everyone was waiting for us to finally set up camp and open the canister of alcohol. Therefore, there weren’t really any candidates.
While they were hanging all this underwater equipment on me, for some reason nursery rhymes and phrases flashed through my head: “I’m not a coward, but I’m afraid,” “Why did I stand against the wall? My knees are shaking,” etc. When everything was ready, I asked:
- Slav, how do you catch these, what are they, crayfish there?
“It’s simple: you look for a hole on the walls of the canal, stick your hand in there. When you feel that the crustacean has grabbed your finger, you grab it and gently, otherwise the paw will come off, you pull it out into your bag. Then you look for another hole.
- Should I stick my hand far?
- Well, sometimes up to the elbow, even more.
Nihyasse! I thought they should fit into the bag themselves. I won’t describe the diving process, but when I found myself under water, I was pleasantly surprised. It turned out to be noticeably more difficult to breathe, but after a few breaths I got used to it. The heavy scuba gear did not press me to the bottom, but balanced my position under water. I felt like I was in space. So, why am I here? Another mesh bag in his hand. Ah, crayfish! Swam out to look for holes. It turned out that there is no need to look for them - there are tons of them there! I swim up to the first one, a few seconds of moral preparation. I’m still a little nervous, but, overcoming my fear, I begin to slowly put my hand into the hole. Oh fuck! It's scary, it's creepy! What if it’s not a crustacean, but some kind of monster? The hand is in the hole almost up to the elbow. Suddenly I feel something trying to cling to the glove. That's it, fucked up. In my head there are excerpts from horror films, as I take out from a hole a bitten off bloody hand with torn edges, with white bones sticking out. I'm trying to remember the prayer. Suddenly something specifically grabs my gloved finger. Frames from a uselessly lived life begin to flash before your eyes, and somewhere behind you, bubbles begin to actively appear, but there is no scuba gear there. Probably the brain turned off and transferred all powers to the ass. Gurgling with bubbles, the ass quickly and clearly gave the order: “Now quickly grab him and carefully pull him out.” I unquestioningly carry out the order and in my hands, already in front of the mask, a quite acceptable cancer is floundering. I put it in my bag and this is where my brain connects again. I almost shouted into my scuba gear: “Hurray! I did it! And it wasn’t scary at all! " I pulled out the second crayfish, although with some effort, more confidently. Then it went like seeds. Having caught about 30 of them, I surfaced, pulled out my mouthpiece and, boasting, yelled:
- Look how much I've already caught! Are you weak?
I demonstratively pull the mesh bag out of the water. On the shore, almost everyone starts laughing, and Slava asked:
- Why, you fool, didn’t you clutch your bag with your hand?
I look at the bag, and there is a lonely crustacean sitting! How? In response to my excuses, there was even more laughter. Someone, on the contrary, calmed me down and encouraged me. Through general laughter, Slava explained to me that crayfish are only so slow and clumsy on land, but in water they can give fish a head start, squeezing into any hole. So they got fucked through an unclamped bag. I was a little tired, but resentment and frustration forced me to wipe my mask and dive in again. I was now squeezing the bag, or rather its neck, under water with all my anger. He pulled crayfish out of their holes mercilessly, like fascists from bunkers. But strength takes its toll, and I’m always good with my head (I kept an eye on the pressure gauge from time to time). When they helped me get ashore, there were 18 good crayfish in the bag, and there was only 5 minutes left in the air tanks. To the question, like, how’s it going? He answered confidently:
- Yes, it’s all bullshit. I immediately caught a lot of them, I just messed around with the bag a little. And so - everything was very interesting, not even scary at all.
No one paid any attention to his hands, which were a little shaking from adrenaline.
Already in another place, on the lake, they set up camp. I have never eaten so many crayfish in my life. To taste, the shrimp are rested. There were also crayfish in the lake, but I didn’t catch them there anymore, others caught them, more in simple ways, but there was no shortage of crayfish, they even brought a lot home, and they caught good fish.
And my wife and I went to that channel more than once. Believe it or not, I dived only in a mask and fins, and threw the caught crayfish to the shore, where my wife picked them up. We collected about half a bucket (small). I still remember these fishing trips with delight.
PS. true to the smallest detail and now I know exactly where the crayfish spend the winter.

8th place: All my life I was chasing one girl, but everything was unsuccessful. Once I was walking down the street, there was snow everywhere, and I saw a stray cat meowing from the cold. And I wasn’t the only one who approached her, there was another sweet girl who also felt sorry for her. More than 10 years have passed, we live together, and also with us)

7th place: It’s funny, but it turns out that trainers (as well as fans of paintball and similar games) outperform trained warriors who have passed hot spots almost dry - they simply don’t have the instinct of self-preservation; no experienced person can run out into the crowd and unload a machine gun into it . He would rather hide in a ditch and shoot in the direction of the enemy, occasionally peeking out to adjust the fire and emptying the magazine over and over again, because he has already been firmly forbidden to get in front of bullets.

6th place: On the way home, my dog was distracted by something to the side, but his step did not slow down. I look at him and wonder if he will notice the parked car. Bang, the dog hits her and the alarm goes off. Before I have time to smile at his inattention, I loudly crash into a pole. While I’m sitting on my butt, holding on to my iron friend, and counting stars before my eyes, the owner of the car chuckles loudly on the first floor balcony. Then he asked him to pick up the last cigarette from the ground, otherwise it had already fallen out.

5th place: My friends and I took metal detectors and looked for treasure in the village. We didn’t find anything interesting and returned to our site, where the owner allowed us to dig on the condition that we cleaned everything up. There are only signals of nails throughout the entire area. I didn’t want to give up, so I decided to take a drop at random. I chose a random place, dug for a long time, there was nothing but nails, and, already in despair, I came across something solid. I pulled it out and it turned out that it was a broken, ugly box. They opened it. There was nothing there except a piece of paper with the inscription “Whoever finds it is a fool.” The owner said that the site appeared under Peter I. Thus, in the near future historical museum a new exhibit has appeared)

4th place: My husband and my eldest daughter flew off to rest, and I and my younger daughters moved in with my parents for a while. In the evening, my daughter shows me on Skype how they are having dinner together in a cafe. Suddenly my dad sharpens and says: “Granddaughter, take the tablet to that aunt who laughs loudly.”
Malaya hands her aunt a tablet, and here is the following dialogue:
- Luda, are you on sick leave?
- Sergei Petrovich?! How did you find me?
My dad is the dean of the faculty, and this woman took sick leave for a week and went off on vacation with her husband. For 2000 km...

3rd place: I came to the bank to close all cards and accounts. The girl in the window first talked about their special offers, then began to interrogate why I was refusing, because they were so wonderful, and so on. To which I leaned closer to her and said in a conspiratorial tone that God ordered me to do so. For some reason, I didn’t receive any more offers from her, and the process of closing cards and accounts went faster.

2nd place: An acquaintance once gave his 10-year-old daughter a raccoon for the day. There is such a service, they bring you a raccoon, it destroys your entire home, rinses your cell phone, gnaws a hole in your sneakers and disassembles your laptop. Along the way, it scratches everyone. In general, the raccoon thinks that this is his holiday, and he was brought to play with new people. The kids like it. Children generally like it when someone is crazier than them. In the evening, the contented raccoon is taken away, you exhale and understand what real happiness is.

1st place:, which does not exist. Today. My wife got sick with the flu. But now this disease is outside our reach. No doctor can make such a diagnosis. Now we must first of all carry out a biological analysis for viruses, hell knows where and how, in order to write wheezing in the epicrisis. But the minister reports on the success of vaccination. See how the incidence rate has dropped! It’s not for nothing that they spent billions on vaccines... And in our country, 2 weeks of a serious condition of “non-flu” led to complications in the lungs - pneumonia. It turned out that pneumonia is also out now. The squelching and hissing in the lungs, audible even to the naked ear, cannot be heard point-blank by emergency doctors. Everything is clean. The main thing is not to write out a referral to the hospital for hospitalization, otherwise the question will come up - what kind of ARVI led to complications on the lungs. No, the fight is for indicators, and the sick go to drink tea with lemon if they survive. We were saved by an elderly general practitioner who prescribed the necessary courses of antibiotics for pneumonia, which is not available, and antiviral drugs for influenza, which our Ministry of Health also does not have. We're lucky.
Yesterday.
I remembered from my childhood.
In the entire region we had only one medical center, staffed by an elderly general practitioner and his wife, a paramedic, an obstetrician, a speech therapist, a pediatrician and much more. There was also a “hospital” in the form of two beds, on whose periodic residents the doctor carried out his medical manipulations. So I, as a child, lay there, recovering from an operation to remove my tonsils. There was such a fad then. Here I am lying, and grandpa comes to the doctor, who is bandaging a lumberjack wounded by a saw. Give him, he tells the doctor, some kind of heart pill, he’s tormented by tachycardia. Tachycardia, says the doctor, yes, you are our specialist, but why are you so pale, gloomy, have you been drinking or what? No, says grandfather, I’m not getting enough sleep. For some reason I’m tired, I’m probably having a heart attack.
Yes, the doctor says, a heart attack is a serious matter, let’s measure the pressure. He tried it on, grunted, but what kind of poop do you have, he asks? What are you saying, the grandfather replies, can I see them in the hole toilet? Don’t be ridiculous, Mikhalych (that’s what he called the doctor. In fact, Moiseevich, but who would remember such a middle name in the Siberian wilderness).
The doctor kicked me out of bed, laid my grandfather down, felt his stomach and said: you, grandfather, now go home, wash, pack your suitcase and tomorrow morning you will go to the district, to the hospital, lie there, get treatment. I'll give you the directions in the evening. Grandfather left. And the doctor, having finished the dressing, began to call the regional hospital in the district - the patient says I have severe cancer of the small intestine and some tricky words. His heart is such a cancer - I was already sweating from fear. Yes, says Moiseevich. Hemoglobin is low on the skin, it hurts in a certain place, which means there is blood loss, fatigue, pressure, and this is not the first time I have had this. I can already smell what someone is sick with. Why are you whining? Yes, this is my own grandfather, I say. Oh, here it is, well, don’t be afraid ahead of time. Maybe it will get better. The doctor was right, the diagnosis was

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